Stop lying to yourself...

Another age old question that has come up repeatedly in recent weeks is the question of platonic friendship... can men and women be "just friends?"

No.

If you answered yes, stop lying to yourself. The guy that you think is your friend has a massive crush on you, and is waiting for you to come around and realize that he is the love of your life. True.

Okay, so here are the facts. You can be "friends" with people of the opposite sex, but only in a loose casual sense. You cannot be best friends, confidantes, spend long quantities of time together, talk daily, etc, because, lets be honest, you are practically dating them already, and who would blame either party for developing feelings, because you are having a relationship without benefits as is... Now, if you are in college, this is the last time that you can say that you are just friends with a large number of people of the opposite sex without it being a lie. Anyone who you didn't know before college, or meet in college, I hate to tell you, they didn't just become your friend because they wanted another friend. No one 22 years or older is looking for another friend of the opposite sex... and if they say they are, they are lying. If I want a friend, I will befriend a girl that I get along with. If I want companionship, I will "befriend" a guy. Seriously. Men lavish you with attention, and making a man laugh, knowing that he enjoys your company, its all very pleasurable, but on some level, both parties are just feeling each other out for opportunities for more than friendship. I swear to God.

My brother and his girlfriend of 3 years started as friends. I've dated two men in my 22 years on this earth. Both of them started as friends, and ended up boyfriends. And I know someone out there is reading this and harshly disagreeing, but you probably aren't being very honest with yourself. If you don't have feelings for the other person, than you are the cruel heartless manipulative person that is stringing your friend along. True. That's not very friendly. If I'm honest with myself, half of my guy friends are people who were interested in me at some point and settled for the "friends" consolation prize. This is why none of them are close friends. My other guy friends are friends of my beau, therefore making them "safe" because one of us (them or me) would have to be very shady and underhanded to go behind my beau's back. Anyway, that was tangental... what I am trying to say is take it from me... Guys and girls, the friends thing is a facade. Stop lying to yourselves... either get to the good stuff, or stop wasting each others time ;)

Black Love

Ok, I was reading a friends blog about hitting the town, and she was expressing her dismay that she wasn't approached by any black men. This brings me to a frequently discussed dilemma... what accounts for the critical disconnect between black women and men? I have a friend that recently ended a long term, long distance relationship... what struck me as sad though was the fact that the woman had just gotten her Ph.D and the man was getting his master's degree... and the harsh reality is that the prospects for a black woman with a Ph.D are pretty bleak, but the prospects for a black man with a master's are plentiful.

What seems to have happened is the tables have turned... when you are growing up, the men approach and express interest in the women... and sometime between leaving high school and leaving college, men realize that they are highly desirable, and that they can now operate like an exclusive club, sitting back and waiting for the women to line up, and then, discriminately deciding who gets access. I actually heard someone from my school describe himself as a commodity, because he was a college educated black man, and every black woman wants one. The ironic part is that this guy has a kid... and the reality is that a Black man with a kid is still desirable, where as a black woman with a kid may as well wear a scarlett letter. Do men with degrees have carte blanche to stand back wait for women to approach them?

My brother is in medical school, and he describes to me all the single attractive women that he knows, and how none of them have men, or even any prospects... and the single guys that he knows are not interested. I don't know who they want to date, but we Black women are not being offered a seat at the table. Compounding this is the trend of "metrosexuality", where men feel like pink, purple and powder blue are now the newest wardrobe essentials... I love hearing people try to explain that "real men wear pink." I think that's interesting. In my mind, a real man sees pink and thinks, that would look good on my girl. He wouldn't be interested. Are you really trying to tell me that all of these men were just dying to wear pink all this time, and only now are getting the chance to indulge their passion for pink? Is it a fad to be gay, or at least questionable enough that I can't tell the difference? As Black women struggle to find love and affection from black men, perhaps we have to reconcieve of out ingrained gender roles... approach the guy, ask him out. But men, you can meet us half way... we want you, we need you. After all, Black love is a beautiful thing.

TV

Ok, so what's all the hype about Kevin Hill? I mean, Taye Diggs aside, who is an attractive, albeit gay from what I hear... (I know a guy who says Taye hit on him in L.A.) what's the deal? From what I have seen, he is a serial playboy, dating and sleeping with all sorts of women, and by all sorts I mean lightskinned with hazel eyes. He is known by friends as the person to ask when they are cheating on their sig. others, and and I swear every week, he is talking to some new female. Somehow, we are supposed to forget all of this because, after all, he is rasiing someone else's daughter.... aw, how sweet. Actually, the gay guy is raising someone else's daughter, and really, you just kiss her good night at the end of the evening. And speaking of the odd couple, why are they always bickering like husband and wife? I mean really. You are "raising" a daughter. Please recognize that, as John Mayer put is so eloquently, "girls become lovers, who turn into mothers..." So, if you would stop objectifying women and sleeping with anything that hangs a skirt well, maybe your kid would grow up with 2 or 3 fewer complexes... just maybe.

A better show would be Sex in the City, which is by nature, not sexist at all, and a superb viewing choice. HaHA... so much for being objective, right? ;)

Poems

Never Offer Your Heart to Someone Who Eats Hearts

Never offer your heart to someone who eats hearts,
who finds heartmeat delicious, but not rare.
who sucks the juices drop by drop
and bloody-chinned grins like a God.

Never offer your heart to a heart gravy lover.
Your stewed, overseasoned heart consumed,
he will sop up your grief with bread
and send it shuttlingfrom side to side in his mouth
like bubblegum.

If you find yourself in love with a person who eats hearts
these things you must do:
Freeze your heart immediately
Let him -- next time he examines your chest --
find your heart cold flinty and unappetizing.

Refrain from kissing
lest he in revenge dampen the sparkin your soul.
Now, sail away to Africa
where holy women await you on the shore --
long having practiced the art of replacing hearts
with God and Song. --Alice Walker


"I like not only to be loved, but also to be told that I am loved. I am not sure that you are of the same mind. But the realm of silence is large enough beyond the grave. This is the world of light and speech, and I shall take leave to tell you that you are very dear." --George Eliott

All that sweet Wining and Dining...

I dedicate this post to Wine, a curious beverage that is closely associated with highbrow taste, and other esoterica*...

Okay, I have, within the last year, decided to acquire a taste for wine. Interesting, because I remember growing up, and smelling wine on the breath of various family members, and thinking that it was the grossest thing ever. I think I actually tasted it once or twice, and that basically confirmed my prior assumption, lol. Well, people grow up, and things change... I think after you try enough different types of alcohol, they all sorta taste similiar, or at least less bad... so, to make a long story short, I drink wines now. I recall previously posting about my distaste for red wines, so admittedly I have not "fully developed" my wine taste, but I think I was deeply scared by an experience wine tasting where I was given some VERY smoky Cabernets, and that basically scared me away from those. Then, I tried a Shiraz (alternately called a Syrah) that was supposed to have a taste of chocolate (I LOVE CHOCOLATE) which also turned out to be a lie... ew. So, whereas I haven't tried a Merlot yet, or a Pinot Noir... I'm good for a while.

So, on to the wines I like... I tried a very nice wine, ironically a Chardonnay by the Two Tone farms. (ironic for those who catch the irony) After drinking this wine, you were left with the taste of nutmeg, almost like sweet potato pie... which is heavenly. Sadly for me, this wine is a bit pricey. At the behest of my beau, I have had a number of sweet and dessert wines. Fruit wines of this sort are particularly good, such as peach, strawberry, blackberry, blueberry, etc. Flavored Sparkling wines are also fun for occasions. If you are new to wine, a sweeter wine would be a Reisling, or a Gewurtztraminer that says it is sweet. Also, White Zinfandels are sweeter than your typical white. My preference tends to be Chardonnays however... I've also tried Savingnon Blanc, and a Pinot Grigio... they weren't bad... I prefer the Grigio.

Anyway, I don't know what happens when you ferment a grape, but man, there is nothing like a glass of wine to make you feel sexy. I think that's why adult drink the stuff... adult like to feel sexy... young people like to feel drunk, old folks like myself like to feel dreamily sexy. So bring on the wine... ambrosia, sangria, what have you... as Rick James said, "It's a celebration, enjoy yo'self!"

*Main Entry: es·o·ter·ic Pronunciation: "e-s&-'ter-ik, -'te-rikFunction: adjective 1 a : designed for or understood by the specially initiated alone b : requiring or exhibiting knowledge that is restricted to a small group broadly : difficult to understand 2 a : limited to a small circle

Great!

I think because it came out in 1989 probably explains why I never saw it, but When Harry Met Sally is a great movie guys!!! No really, its an unassuming little movie that chronicles the relationship and growth of two people over twelve years. In the beginning, the two couldn't be more mismatched, but over the years of relationships and running into each other by happenstance in NYC, they grow to be friends and confidantes, and to really appreciate and enjoy each others company. Plus, princess Laia from Star Wars is in the movie. When I was growing up, I thought she was so pretty and cool.

Anyways, the movie is cute and funny, because Billy Crystal plays an unapologetic brutally honest male who suffers through a tough divorce, while Meg Ryan is an untight journalist looking for that perfect relationship, who overtime, learns to loosen up a bit. The conversations are classic, lighthearted and will really resonate with anyone who has ever started a relationship after being "just friends". I love it! Where has this movie been all my life?

"Words to live by: "It's not because I'm lonley, it's not because it's New Year's Eve... I came here tonight because when you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - Harry, When Harry Met Sally

In other news... I want to go to the batting cages...

Relationships 101

A year and a half later, and he still gets butterflies... I guess we are doing okay...

Random musings

On cramps:
I have cramps right now, so i am thinking, why did Eve have to eat that dang apple? And why am I being punished for it? So, if I don't eat apples, will I not get cramps? Remind me to test that theory...

On Popes:
What a gig you say? Right? Let's not forget that JPII was shot at, and that former popes have been poisoned, among other thing... at any rate, it will be interesting to see how this papacy goes, as the new leader of the catholic church is already being scrutinzed for his conservatism... he is 78 though... just a few years younger than JPII was.

On marriage: as increasing numbers of people that i know are getting engaged and married, i wonder why this is so hard for me to envision. Ok, partially because they are my friends and I know them, but a good deal of it comes from the images that we are fed about marriage... on TV, people getting married are always played by actors who are in their late twenties or early thirties, pretending to be 5 years younger than they are... so to see someone who IS 23 getting married at 23 is a lot harder to palate and envision. It's not just me being a gamophobe... its conditioning

On poltergiest:
I usually don't believe in such things, but weird stuff happens... like everyday, i put my chair on the lowest position, and every day i come home, and its back in the highest position. And someone is using all of my toilet paper, and breaking my toilet... I don't know, i am just saying. And who turns off my alarm in the mornings???

That a Kid/Got 'er did!!!

So, at long last, after much struggle and heartache, my sister has finally been admitted to the Univ of North Carolina!!! I'm so proud of her, and excited for this new opportunity. Besides, its about time for Chapel Hill to stop hating!!! Yeeee ha, I get to have my sister local!!! I'm stoked. Let the the Chapel Hill tradition begin!!!

No harm, no foul...

So, life has been a bit tumultous lately, but I won't bore you with the details. Following the untimely death of my pc's power supply, I have been virtually without access to the wonders of the web. My wonderful beau, of course, always saving the day, lent me his old laptop, circa 1845, to use until mine is back from the shop, which i figure will be the day AFTER I am done with finals. Grand.

So, now, I've had to invest in a wireless card for the Apple II green screen that I am using, which, clearly worked. I had a hard time deciding between the traditional wireless adapter, and a new fangled fancy wireless USB adapter (oooohhhh, ahhhhh.....). So, of course, I call in some technical expertise, garner their advice, and make a purchase. Now, I am internest ready for the end of the semester.

On my way home, I am cruising and nonchalant, enjoying the pollen-filled NC air, and watching the begin its evening descent. There were street performers playing jazz music near Cold Stone's, which, of course caught my eye, so I rolled down my window to enjoy their music. They were just aiight, so I rolled up my window as I saw that I was about to pass a bus and THUMP!!!! I hit the car in front of me. SH**!!!! I can't afford for my insurance to go up... Fortunately for me, I was going like, 2mph, and there was no damage done, but, it was enough to give me a heart attack. Man, I am such an airhead sometimes...

And in other news, I think I have an ear infection...

WRAP IT UP!!!

You know, I was really blown the other day after reading an article about a woman who was HIV positive... she had an uncle that had died of the disease when she was 11, and knew all about condoms and safe sexual practices. She said that she had initially used condoms, then tired of them, opting to use birth control pills and no protection. Even after a scare with a cheating boyfriend that left her with an STD, she still did not change he sexual practices... now she is living with HIV.

I am surprised that the author, after having such an experience in her family, could be so cavaliar about her sexual health and well being, but I was even more shocked when I told the story to a friend, and she began justifying that some people you just "know" are clean, and that she only insisted that certain people use condoms, but but not others. "It's not like I'm sleeping with crackheads!" she exclaimed... OH!!! well, the clears it all up, since only crackheads have STDs and HIV/AIDS. Actually, by age 24, 1 of every 3 people has an STD. That's right. Look to your left, and look to your right... really scrutinize the people next to you, because if it's not you, its one of them. Perhaps a trip to the clinic is in order... juuuuust in case...

THIS IS THE YEAR 2005 GUYS!!! Unless you are in a monogamous relationship where you have agreed not to use a condom, and you've both been tested, WEAR ONE EVERYTIME!!! My friend tried to tell me that I was just conservative, and a prude, but that has nothing to do with protecting your health. That's just common sense. So, for all of you out there, sex on, but WRAP IT UP!!!
--> http://www.itsyoursexlife.com/

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIENDS

DAMN the rest, go to the BEST!!!

USC, 2005 NCAA Football, National Champions
UNC, 2005 NCAA BAsketball Champions

'Nuff Said.

Conversion

There is nothing like championship-style excitement to turn the heart of non-Tar Heel fan like myself into, well, a Tar Heel advocate. I actually brokedown and bought some 'nalia. Mind you, my dad bought me a UNC hat and shirt when I moved down here (love ya pops!), and I promptly returned them to the store. Something about baby blue, I just couldn't get behind it. Now, don't get me wrong, I would still rather see USC or Maryland battling it out for the title, but let's be honest... that's not going to happen. And I did live in Kansas for 4 years, KU country, under the supreme guidance and wisdom of phenom coach Roy Williams, and I must say, Roy, old boy, I want you to get your championship title. Having gotten to 2 championship games with the Jayhawks, I think that now, back at your alma mater, after saving an abysmal program, the time is right. So, I throw my, at times fickle, support behind the Tar Heels, because, by golly, I want it for Roy. I will also say that I have supreme respect for the Illini and their program, and Coach Weber's hardships this year... after all this is only his second year at Illinois. (I would also like to take a moment to point out the big loser in all of this, KU Coach, Bill Self, who left the Illini to coach Kansas, who got knocked out in the first round. Not only did you leave a winning program, but your team did worse than ever... and we all know that everyone at KU really just wants Roy back) Anyway, it should be a supreme matchup, and after watching the UNC fans mob the streets, starting random bonfires and drinking and partying as if they had already won a championship, I do feel something akin to pleasure, knowing that I go here now. It will be a battle, perhaps to rectify the battle that was clearly missing in this seasons Football championship game, where USC trounced Oklahoma... So, come Monday night, I too will be out there, on Franklin Street, in a sea of blue. I might even wear some. Go Heels! God bless March Madness like nothing else!!!!

Back in the Day

Georgene Lynette

When I was little, I had a cabbage patch kid named Chandler Reese. He was a bald headed boy in a sailor suit. My parents found him around the house a few weeks ago, ironically. I was at Target and saw this little darling, so I picked her up. I think my favorite thing about these dolls is their crazy names, like Georgene Lynette. And I don't rename them. Rock on Xavier Roberts, and your crazy cabbage patch kids.

And when are garbage pail kids coming back?

No love lost...

LexisReid: i thought you were over that whole schtick
Her: do we every fully get over people? no...

This brings up a good question. Where do feelings go? You care about someone, love someone, and then you just stop? Can love disappear? Matter is neither created or destroyed, and energy is constant, right? It just changes forms? So, where does love go? It just dissipates? relocates? renegotiates? sublimates? Will I wake up one day, out of love, and look out of my window only to see old love condensating on my window panes? Will someone's old love blow through my hair as I walk down the street? Are we all just wandering through a sea of misplaced affection? Is it viscous? sticky? malleable? does it evaporate? What are the properties of love?

I was just pondering that.

Did you know that I type 44.6 wpm with 6 errors, and 95.5% accuracy?