I have some confessions...

I am not proud, but I must confess a few things...

First. I don't like red wine. Well, I guess, more firstly I should say that I don't understand it. When I pick up a bottle to read: This wine has a long, forward nose, a full body, and a hint of pepper, I have no idea what this means. All the wines taste like all the other wines, except for the ones which are smoky (Cabernet in my experience), which I think is simply repulsive. disgusting. Anyway, red wine is consumed at room temperature. Is this to show that you are so cool that you don't need a refrigerator to get drunk? I don't get it. But, at any rate, it does not taste that good, and I don't prefer it. So there. Actually, I am so uncultured, that I like sweet wines, ie, 4+% residual sugar. So, work that out. Sweet and white. Well, I did buy a red, but that's only because it said that it tasted of berries and chocolate. We will see.

Next. I made a chicken. Well, I roasted it in my Forman rotisserie. (this is a BRILLIANT machine, everyone should own one) I seasoned and prepared this chicken, to eat throughout the week, then I made myself a salad with diced chicken breast. Despite not being hungry, as soon as the chicken was done, I removed it from the rotisserie and started pulling off pieces of skin... a little more, a little more... well, maybe just a wing. So I ate one. Then the other looked good, so I ate that. i flipped the chicken over to assess the other side... boy that leg looks good. I prodded it a few times, then what do you know, it was in my hand... then in my mouth, then, in my stomach. I nearly ate half of the chicken, to my own dismay and disgust. Sigh.

These are my confessions.

Why self hatred should be a sin...

Today, on CSPAN, the State of the Black Union was televised. This featured black men and women from various organizations, public officials, scholars and infuential persons speaking about how we, as black americans, need to make some changes. Michael Eric Dyson, Cornel West, John Conyers, Jesse Jackson, and others from the black vanguard offered their take on the state of things, and attempted to inspire those watcthing and attending. This, however, impacted me far less than speaker Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson, Black republican minister from Los Angeles California.

Rev. Peterson is the founder of an organization called "Brotherhood Organization of a New Destiny". see http://www.bondinfo.org/ He has authored a book, titled, "Scam: How the Black Leadership exploits Black America". Peterson praised President Bush unequivically, and condemned the democratic platform as being anti-god and evil, citing their stances on abortion, gay marriage, and "anti-war policies". Rev. Peterson stated that the black leadership of America, such as Rev. Jesse Jackson and other leaders are morally bankrupt, and not fit to lead black americans. He judged this based on marital infidelity, and felt that the crucial change needed in the black community was a renewed emphasis on the black family, as well as personal accountability and self sufficiency.

Peterson blasted the black voting public for being dedicated to the democratic party, accusing that the major difference between the parties was that the republicans did not advocate programs such as affirmative action, reperations and welfare, which he deemed crutch programs. He believes that if men step up and become men, that they will not need leaders, they will lead themselves. He even went as far as to state,"I am a man, I dont need a leader. Any man that says he needs a leader is a weak, pathetic person." This is a minister guys.

Ok, Mr. Peterson. Where does your personal moral authority come from? Does it emanate from within yourself, or does it follow some teaching... perhaps Jesus' teaching? Jesus came to earth as a man... so, you would not have followed him? And you don't advocate people following his teaching, because any real man would not need guidance? I am not putting current "black leaders" on par with Jesus, simply making the point that a real man knows when to lead, and when to follow. Even Jesus humbled himself and followed the will of God, says your bible. Interesting. And last I checked, minister's tend to lead congregations... but maybe not as his church.

Ok, the democratic party... it's not a panacea... we know that. But, the democrats have more social uplift policies and are more sympathetic to the causes of minorty and low income groups, while the republican party priveleges, well, just that. Privelege. I understand being leary of a high level of state intervention, but in a democracy, where people actually exercise their rights, there is a built in system of check and balances... Rev. Peterson stated that this is a Christian nation. Wow, that's is TOTALLY NEW INFOMATION! Last I checked, their was a seperation between church and state, and I feel that any encrouchment of church on state is a violation of my personal rights. We are a nation of Christians, Jews, Muslims, Atheists, Agnostics, and to subject all of these groups to the ideals of another, is wrong, and more importantly, is illegal.

Peterson has stated that white people should stop being afraid to be called racists if they are standing up for what is right. Gee, that's interesting, because, I know that I, for one, enjoy calling people who are treating me fairly, racists. Nothing pleases me more than to downplay equal treatment with verbal slander. Are you kidding me? We don't call fair minded, progressive people racists.... actually, we try to reserve the name for, well, racists. Go figure.

Another genius point of Peterson's was that black americans need to stop being the victims. When a caller asked about his boss discriminating against him on the job, Peterson's brilliant suggestion was to quit and start his own business. Wow. How insightful. Not only will that positively enforce that racist actions of his boss, but it will also help us move one step closer towards an equal and fair america. Nevermind that 9 out of 10 small businesses fail. But lets consider what Peterson is suggesting. In the name of progress, we black people need to get up off our asses, and when faced with an obstacle, instead of over coming it, we should quit and try something new. This will certainly not cause minority groups to self segregate. So when Tiger Woods isn't let onto a golf course, he should open his own, and only support other minority businesses. This all sounds familar... almost like the time before Jim Crow was abolished. We, as minority Americans, cannot give businesses and corporations carte blanche to relegate us into the periphery of American politics or economics. We are not going to retreat, as Peterson suggests, and repeat antiquated practices of self segregation. If we are to be integrated into this society, we will have to come together as a people and demand change and progress. Are there issues that the black community needs to work on? Certainly. But these changes will come by looking forwards, not backwards, for solutions.

Guess who doesn't like you?

I'm probably going to get in a lot of trouble for saying this, but I am going to let you all in on a little known secret. People with professional degrees think that they are better than you. Yes, your doctor, he thinks you are an idiot, and that he is better than you. Your neighbor, the lawyer, he thinks you are a waste of time and air. Your professor, he doesn't really care about you either. You won't get him tenure, and you couldn't understand his book, even if you did read it. He thinks he's better than you and everyone else in his class. He even thinks he is better than his own mother. Honest.

This is how it happens... "we" (and by we, I mean all people seeking or having recieved a terminal professional degree) start out as normal human beings... we think other humans are generally nice, and also, interesting. Doctors, in preparation for their careers, have to cut up human cadavers, and learn to see people as a combination of symptoms rather than a whole person. This is necessary, because the sad reality of being a doctor is that people die... and you can't take that personally. Lawyers have to think of cases as a set of facts, not really all that particular to the individual. They have to view things at this level of abstraction, because sometimes, they will lose their case. That's life. Psychologists and sociologists study human behavior at the individual level in an attempt to understand and make generalizations about what and why people do. All of these groups do this, and sit around for years, (3-6 years, to be more precise ) talking amongst themselves in a distinct but exclusive vocabulary that is not even discernable across disciplines and fields. We learn to talk about people in a way that the people can't even understand. Then it follows naturally that if people don't understand this language, but we do, then we are not people... we are demi-gods. That's right folks. This is why "we" are better than you. I mean, what's not better about being a demi-god? HA!

For example, in my discipline, it is a commonly regarded fact that you can't ask people why they did something, because, well, people are dumb and don't know why they did it... so they will tell you things that make them sound better, but are essentially lies. Silly lying mortals! Then, when we study you, y0u occassionally attempt to critique us. We loathe this more than anything. You, with no expertise in anything, DARE to question us? Try this with any doctor, lawyer or professor and witness how taken aback they are. That being said, pandering to the public is not seen as particularly favorable either. This is the real reason that Cornell West and Harvard ended up parting ways... what self respecting professor tries to make his work accessible to the masses? Ew.

Actually, we only care about the public for two reasons... one is to get quoted, cited or referenced, so that we can inflate our egos. Second, is to get you to buy our books. Never mind that you won't understand them, just buy them anyway... you'll look more intelligent.

Professional fields are very incestuous. We produce knowledge for ourselves, to be consumed by ourselves, discussed by ourselves, and understood by ourselves. The masses basically serve as a means to an end. We can study you to further our research... you know, so we will have something to talk about. Other than that, we will eschew you as often as possible, interact with you when we must, and laugh about you later. Silly mortals...

Drugs, yeah ma...

You know, I am not one to advocate drug use, but at the same time, sometimes, you can't help but wonder what all the hype is about. On my way to campus this evening, I happened to be driving behind someone who was travelling at a relatively, well, let's say modest pace. At first, it was sort of pleasant, as I reminded myself that I wasn't in a rush, and relaxed a little. After a while though, I began to wonder... what type of person drives an SUV at 5mph? I mean, typically, these are the people who are running you OFF the road... So, after simmering for a while, my annoyance boiled over, and I jumped to the next lane, rolling my eyes and glowering into the next car. It was then, when I saw that the person was practically laying down, laughing with his homie, enjoying themselves a liiiiiiittle too much on a Wednesday night, that I realized, My God, this guy is high. I looked back in my rear view to watch a line of cars pass the slow creeping Weed-Mobile, with not a ounce of effort on the part of the driver to pick up the pace. All the angry drivers in the world were not going to make this guy's high come down. Tonight, Johnny Blaze was the safest driver on the road. So, to all you politicians who build careers on your "tough on drugs" policies, and your crackdowns on marijuana, perhaps you should reconsider a bit... I know I am ;)

So in conclusion...

Top reasons to expatriate...

3. A new show playing this week is "Stars without makeup"
2. On Celebrity Fit Club, they suggested spicing up your work out routine with POLE DANCING
1. ... can't think of the top reason, so I'll go with the default... Prez Bush. Enough said.

With regards to marriage and other such vile ideas

This is in response to a clever friend of mine who somehow thought it would be funny, and/or appropriate to append my beau's last name to mine in an email. I understand that this is a sensitive subject, in that the institution of marriage has recently "come under attack" in this country, but, I cannot hold my tongue.

I'm not getting married. Well, not now, but, foreseeably, I might never. I don't really see myself as the "marrying type." The older I get, the more apparent this becomes to me. I am tired of hearing people ask when I am getting married (for godssakes, I am 22!), telling me that I am getting married, appending or altering my name, or even joking about me getting married. You should all know that this causes me to hyperventilate. Severely. I don't go to jewelry stores and fantasize about engagement rings, I don't look at wedding dresses and imagine my day. I don't even imagine my wedding day. The most I can conjure up is the thought that I can't do anything with my hair on a normal day, so it's basically pointless to get married. Can't have bad hair at your own wedding.

I have friends who are married, and friends who are engaged, and while I can muster up excitement for them, I also imagine that they must be billions of times more mature than I am. ( that or someone slipped something into their hookahs...) I mean, I am still young enough and poor enough to get money from my parents... why would I trade that in for a spouse? Your money would be my money, so I'd be borrowing from myself (decidedly less fun). And after spending the last year discovering all the misery of being an adult, including income tax, personal property taxes, registration, insurance, co-payments, living check by check and never being able to make a dent in your credit card balance, I am decidedly against combining my own misery with anyone elses. Granted, I think just about everyone else makes more than $13,000 a year, before taxes.

Besides, I am a 22 year old black woman pursuing a PhD, which, by definition, means that I will be single until the sweet grim reaper takes me from this place. Let's be honest... Higher education for black women is like self selecting out of the gene pool. For example, I sit around and discuss how rational choice theory is tautological, and use words like synechdocical, simulacra, metonymy and other words that have no practical use. (if you know what those mean, you will also die alone). No one wants to come home at the end of the day, asking "Hi honey, how was your day?" and be diluged with words like that. Actually, I'm pretty sure that that is the root cause of spousal abuse. Seriously... So I am resigned to my post as "non-married, soon to be overeducated woman extraordinaire". As I slowly lose my ability to communicate effectively with the general population, my wonderful beau will tire of the old "smile and nod" routine, and start looking for perky college co-eds who don't make his brain hurt. Eventually, he will grow bored and get rid of me, (probably when I stop being able to afford to drug him...) and then I will begin my pathetic singular existence. Until then, stop with all the marriage talk. At least until I am 35...

Today's rant...

I understand that we live in an age of technology... I acknowledge that I have 25 email addresses with 23 different passwords, I have a blog, several music consoles, numerous file sharing protocols, mutliple means of instant messaging, a laptop with a wireless card, and a cell phone. So, seemingly, it should be impossible for me to be out of touch with the world for more than a .0000576 seconds. (yes, I actually calculated this) However, despite the worlds most rigorous statistical analysis and calculation of probability, something from deep within me manages to rise up, and keep me from checking my email for days at a time. Well, at least some accounts. It's as if I have weeks dedicated solely to one mailing domain or something... So invariably, every few weeks, someone calls me frantically because I have neglected to do something or respond to their email, text message, or page, which I inevitably have not checked. Perhaps this is a primitive defense mechanism or reaction to the gross invasion of privacy that we now experience, but nevertheless, I never cease to amaze myself, as well as ALL the other people who can't understand how I could go 4 days without checking my spam-ladden email. Maybe I am missing something, but does not checking your email make you a horrible person? Is this the new form of social castigation and judgement? Am I doomed to be censured because of my inability to kindle a love affair with Hotmail?

I can see it now... we would have given you tenure, but you aren't as "email responsive" as we prefer for our faculty... maybe if you respond promptly to our emails for a few years, you will be in a position to be reconsidered...

I think all of this email expectation is ludicrous... I don't sit by my email 24/hrs a day guys, and sometimes (and by sometimes I mean 97% of the time) I don't want to know what is going on in the world outside of my head. So cut me some slack. Until emails can be directly transmitted to my brain, hold tight. I'll get to you in about a week or so... give or take a week. ;)

Here are my two fish, Solstice and Equinox. 

ACC and you know this

Man... there are a lot of bootleg things about living in North Carolina. I would go into them, in detail, but that would be a whole other post. The single greatest thing about living where I do, is the ACC. Yes sir, these kids playing ACC ball play their hearts out, and I just can't get enough. My Maryland got ran last night by the Wolf Pack, much to my dismay... hey it was an off night, but they are still tied for 4th in the ACC, at 6-6, and please note, 2 of those six were wins against the most odious team in the league, DUKE. That's right, my boys know when to show up. Hopefully they will repeat that level of play coming up when they play UNC again. Sorry Chapel Hill, I'm gunning for my boys!
So, after last nights disappointing loss, I wasn't much in the mood to watch any games, but I happened to see that V Tech and Duke were playing, so I PIPed the game while watching some other stuff. Then I noticed, hey, this game is kinda close, let me see what's going on. Duke went down babies, 67-65. That's right, that's 4 losses for those Devils! I'd like to take the time now to give credit to my Terps, for undermining the spirit of the Blue Devils, and for inspiring hope into the hearts of all the ACC teams that they too could defeat the devil. Shoot, Redicks shot was off, and he almost fouled out. Man, and talk about a close game, V Tech barely squeaked by with this one. But no matter, they pulled it off. All I can say is that you all need to get on this ACC basketball. Its real. It's really real.

An interlude

I have class in 15 minutes, and I don't want to go. I had class this morning, and I did not want to go. What I want to do is get back in that bed of mine, and pull the covers over my head. This morning I had Multiple Regression class at 9:30. I've concluded that I am not capable of comprehending anything that is not singular at this hour. Adding insult to injury, we have spent the last 4-5 weeks reviewing concepts that we learned last semester in our stats class... It seems to me that if this is going to be a 3 semester sequence, then the classes should not have such gross overlap... So all of the other sociology students who suffered through this stuff before are bored to tears... (one of my class mates actually brought a flask to class... its that bad!!!) while students from other departments who hadn't taken our first stats class, sit and ask questions that take up half the period. This to me seems ludicrious, because, well, I had to learn this stuff last semester. Did I understand it then? No. Did I ask questions about it? No. It's stats, an inherently estoric subject, so get used to the feeling of incompetence, you aren't going to get it. You are a grad student for pete's sakes. The best part is, the one guy that asks the most questions is auditing the class. That's right kids, AUDITING. He REALLY doesn't need to get this, but yet, he is hell bent on making sure that the class doesn't progress until he has mastered every detail. It's week 5 and we haven't even STARTED multiple regression... we are still doing simple linear regression, which I swear I could have taught in one week, like the syllabus indicated that we were going to... Oh well. Off to half.com to buy Multiple Regression for Dummies...

So much wow...

It started out as a beautiful day... I slept in, went to class, my classmates passed around free candy... after class I walked and talked with some classmates about how dumb undergrads can be, and about thongs... you know, typical grad student banter. It's 70 degrees, slightly overcast with the sun making the occasional cameo. Things are looking up. I get home and start downloading music, checking my email and start settling down into my normal routine when someone IMs me. The SN pops up and quickly registers as unfamiliar...
"May I ask who's speaking"
Response: no, don't ask.
Okay... then, said person starts asking me where I live... um, if I don't know you, it doesn't really make me want to disclose certain information. Included in this list of things is my address, phone number, and shoe size. Everything else is fair game, like my social or something that anyone can get... sheesh.
So, this person identifies themself as someone who saw me on facebook, at which point I cringe. (an aside: I really dislike facebook, because I am registered under UNC, and can't figure out how to register for USC...) So, this is approximately random negro number 756... great. So, he goes into the typical, "uz a lil cutie" ie, "I'm tryna holla", which inevitably turns to, " why u soo difficult girl ", which morphs into "uz a preppy ass chick, u needs a nigga from a public skool to show ya lil self how to chill" and "u just nervous you might have fun wit tha nigga from public skool" Man, this guy really pulled my card. That was EXACTLY my fear. That I was going to have fun with the nigga from PS162... (imagine me rolling my eyes here)

Now, some of you are wondering, so why were you entertaining this man's conversation. Allow me to explain a few things. First, that I am a graduate student, therefore having no life, and little to do execpt read, eat, sleep, bath and watch tv. Distractions, even annoying ones, are generally welcome. Second, I am a sociologist. Weird phenomena like guys spitting whack game are interesting to me from a social standpoint. Really. Thirdly, he was an undergrad at UNC, so I thought that I could turn the conversation from a hollerin' session to an informative discussion about the social clime at UNC Chapel Hill. I realize now that I was over ambitious. I carefully explained that I was an old head, and had graduated from 'SC, that I had a man, and was happy. He however was (and presumably still is) a football player, meaning that he is more cocky than God, in addition to being slow on the uptake. So, I tried to ask what went on socially at UNC, and how the undergrad experience was, since my sister wants to go here.

Response:
Him: we chill
Him: dont try n play us
Him: u here
Him: so shut up
Him: dont hate
Him: we ridas here in tha hill
Him: dont hate u went to a lame skool

Okay, wow... I'm not sure that clarified much for me, but thanks for playing... let's try again...

LexisReid: no need to get all defensive. I haven't said anything negative about your school
Him: i know
Him: but u tryin to play us
Him: like we sum wackies n stuff
Him: lol
Him: hellz nah
LexisReid: i just said that i didn't know what was going on, and all you have told me is that you all chill, and you are ridahs
Him: if anything
Him: this my skool
LexisReid: i know, i was hoping that you would make a case for it
Him: i dont have to

Boy, this is like taking to an empty football helmet... OH WAIT! yeah... and you know he had the nerve to try to tell me about how UNC played in a bowl game, and ask me what I knew about football? Um, I'm from USC baby, don't sleep and don't trip. I probably know more about football from WATCHING USC play than your whole squad, so don't even try that. Let's be honest here, East Coast football is WHACK. Holler at me when you learn to dribble...

But of course, I am nice an keep all of this in my head. I mean, come on... that's what blogs are for, right? :)

So, we end cordially with him inviting me to come chill with him. I politely declined, signed off, and BLOCKED his ASS. All in a days work. Watch him be one of the 350 students in my class... that would be my luck, right?

Today, as in any other...

So, I was talking to my mom last night, and let me say that my mom is a very funny woman. I called her to say happy Valentine's day, and after chewing me out for not sending her a card like the ungrateful miscreant that I am, she proceeded to tell me about her day. My dad had sent her flowers last Friday, in anticipation of V-day coming, so she already had lovely flowers to show off to her jealous co-workers (and aside: Women love to show off that their man is better or more thoughtful than everyone elses... in which case I should mention that MY man sent me flowers not this past friday, but the Friday PRIOR, which therefore trumps everyone elses. I invite you to scowl with envy now, and to go complain to your boyfriends about how they don't love you. Go now.) Now, my parents have a dog, and don't get me wrong, I love my dog, but sometimes he thinks its fun to do shitty things like whiz all over the carpet. Apparently lately he has taken to leaping on the counters and having his way with whatever goodies are left on the counters and tables, which usually warrants a beat down. So, my mom's job is to rush home from work everyday and take the dog out before he starts getting wild fantasies of his days as a table dancer, but yesterday, she had a parent/teacher conference... so she's running late, which could have dire consequences for our carpets, trash cans and counterspace, but also for my mom, who as a true procrastinating woman (I knew I got it from somewhere) has not gotten my dad a Valentine's Day card. (remember guys, she already got flowers... ) So my mom rushes home to take care of the dog at the expense of getting my dad a card, but, being the innovative woman that she is, she rummages through some drawers, pulls out an old V-day card that she gave my dad some years ago, and presents it to him, un-enveloped, announcing "Happy Valentine's Day"! My dad see through this immediately and responds to the effect of WTF!?! Ahh, married life! Remind me again NOT to get married... ever.

Speaking of which, my sister's friend got married this weekend. Did I mention that my sister is 18 years old, and a freshman in college. Yeah, she went to her first "friend wedding" this weekend. That's the midwest for you... just marrying people off.

So my weekend consisted of running all over tarnation with my beau :) who was down for V-day weekend. We discovered that everything about NC is bootleg (which i think is more so just endemic to the south) and that all plans necessitate back up plans. The theme for the weekend seemed to be "Improvise, adapt and overcome", and its a good thing that we are both easy going, otherwise we would have both gone nuts. However, i emerged from the weekend with Godiva chocolates, Godiva liqueur (from HIS mom), wonderful aroma therapy bath stuff, as well as Pink, my fav perfume from Victoria's Secret. Man, I am getting spoiled... :)

I would also like to take a moment to give a shout out to my Terps, for trouncing Duke once again. I know you are all a bit confused, but I have been a Maryland fan since back in the day. All my love goes out to USC, but when they figure out how to hold a basketball, you let ME know... otherwise, I will see you Trojan fans at the 50 yard line when football season starts again. So, despite the fact that I now go to UNC and despite the fact that they are ranked no. 4, my b-ball allegience is as follows: MD, USC, KU, UNC, followed by any team playing against Duke, followed by any team with a Black coach (my mom taught me that one) At any rate, I can't WAIT for March Madness... its all about the ACC babies!

My first BLOG

Ok, I will start by saying that I think that the word blog is ridiculous. It sounds dumb. Really. But welcome to mine. :)
Moving on. Its a Thursday night which means.... IT'S the WEEKEND!!! I sort of want to go to see the Sun Ra Arkestra (new age crazy jazz), but it costs $15... that's quite an investment for something weird... So right now I am couch surfing, basking in the good news of my friends. Lucy has gotten an interview with Georgetown!!! and my friend Sean is getting published. If only I was brilliant like my friends.... sigh.
I came home today and ambitiously embarked in 24 minutes of concerted exercise effort. (read: 8-minute Abs, Arms, Legs, and Butts) I figure that should carry me through the rest of 2005. Now my stomach is screaming at me, so I am going to sign off. Welcome to my world :)