Spring syndrome

It's spring everyone! The time of year when my attention inevitably wanders to... yes, my body. Spring is the perfect season for self criticism! My friend and I have made plans to go to Myrtle Beach for Memorial Day weekend, so I thought I would try on some bathing suits, shorts, outfits to see how much work I have to do to "get it tight". Man. Talk about demoralizing. Let's work from the bottom up.

Feet: These guys are doing ok. After a rough year, and the loss of several toe nails to the trauma of the LA marathon, the feets spent the last 12 months in recovery. Aside from wicked cuticles and needing a little sun, beach readiness is not far off.

Legs: Are also looking mighty pale. I'd say reminiscent of boiled chickens. I may scare some people at the beach. Having kept nicks and cuts to a minimum, a little TLC with the cocoa butter should have these babies sea ready. Ankle to knee, we are doing well. The thighs though, which look as though they've been infused with a thin layer cottage cheese, are going to need some serious attention. I prescribe many hours of treadmill running, and some buns of steel.

Abs: These babies used to be rock hard. Now they are nicely cushioned, creating handles and curves and other things that confuse me. You really shouldn't let yourself go at 22... sigh. Time for some crunches...

Boobs: Still don't have any. On the upside, I will never sag! That's always a plus.

Hair: Need my ends trimmed. I recently straightened my mane, and the split ends are in full effect. Nothing a few hot oil treatments can't take care of...

So, in conclusion, I either need to get a new body (how much do those retail for?) or get in the gym. My beau insists that these problem areas are all in my head. He's wrong. they are in my butt, thighs, and the spare tire around my mid section. So, I recommit myself to the gym for the next two months. My skinny jeans will be avenged!