"I don't want him, if he ain't made no commitment to you / and you don't need him, 'cause the boy ain't ready..." - Erykah Badu
What is the nature of a commitment?
I was talking to my wonderful boyfriend the other day, and he was surprised to hear my espousing my mom's belief that "You aren't married until you have a ring on your finger," and my grandmother's contention that "You aren't married until you are married." This in itself doesn't sound alarming, until you think about filling out forms and surveys. Do you notice that for their marital catagories, they offer "Single, Married, Divorced, Widowed, Seperated." That's it. So, if you are not one of the other catagories, you are, by default, single.
"What about if you are in a commited relationship?" he asks. "Single. Still single."
Unless you have a ring, you are single.
A committed relationship is wonderful. I happen to be in one, but a committed relationship does not require the person to say "I won't leave", moreso, "I won't cheat," or, "I will respect you enough to break up with you if I meet someone else or fall out of love with you." That is not exactly a great guarantee, in my opinion.
When you get engaged to someone, you are saying, "Hey, I am willing to be in it for the long haul." Married legal binds this commitment. So men, hold your ladies tight... If she doesn't have a ring, she is, technically speaking, still "Single".
*DISCLAIMER* If you are my wonderful boyfriend, and reading this, this is not personal, just me rambling. Please do no call me and ask what is wrong/ what I am thinking.
If you are one of my close friends, and you read this, I am not trying to get rid of my wonderful boyfriend. Please do no call me and ask what is wrong/ what I am thinking.
And for those with TRULY wild imaginations, I am not campaigning for a ring, either.
Thank you.
I was talking to my wonderful boyfriend the other day, and he was surprised to hear my espousing my mom's belief that "You aren't married until you have a ring on your finger," and my grandmother's contention that "You aren't married until you are married." This in itself doesn't sound alarming, until you think about filling out forms and surveys. Do you notice that for their marital catagories, they offer "Single, Married, Divorced, Widowed, Seperated." That's it. So, if you are not one of the other catagories, you are, by default, single.
"What about if you are in a commited relationship?" he asks. "Single. Still single."
Unless you have a ring, you are single.
A committed relationship is wonderful. I happen to be in one, but a committed relationship does not require the person to say "I won't leave", moreso, "I won't cheat," or, "I will respect you enough to break up with you if I meet someone else or fall out of love with you." That is not exactly a great guarantee, in my opinion.
When you get engaged to someone, you are saying, "Hey, I am willing to be in it for the long haul." Married legal binds this commitment. So men, hold your ladies tight... If she doesn't have a ring, she is, technically speaking, still "Single".
*DISCLAIMER* If you are my wonderful boyfriend, and reading this, this is not personal, just me rambling. Please do no call me and ask what is wrong/ what I am thinking.
If you are one of my close friends, and you read this, I am not trying to get rid of my wonderful boyfriend. Please do no call me and ask what is wrong/ what I am thinking.
And for those with TRULY wild imaginations, I am not campaigning for a ring, either.
Thank you.
posted by ARP | 12:50 AM
4 Comments:
My argument is that you're not single in the sense that you're not able to date others or share other intimacies with others. You are not single b/c you're not on the market. If you are in a committed relationship you don't go out to meet other potentials of the opposite sex and you're not receptive to them propositioning you (whether they want to date, hang out, take long walks in the park, have sex or anything else inappropriate)
You can always leave a relationship so of course you're not married... but you sure as hell aren't single! I don't care what the hell you put on your W-2's.
:P
Good call with the disclaimers... ;o)
Yes!! Cat lady house, here we come! lovies, Ann
PS. Just turned in my masters!
All I can say is that you are a woman after my own heart. I do not normally blog . . . in fact this is my first time. But I just had to respond to your wisdom!!! Ladies around the world . . . unless he said I do, you ain't his wife. Wifey is a very disturbing term because it makes us feel too comfortable . . . when in reality it means you are my girl with wife-like qualities, but I haven't married you yet. So . . . get a passport, travel the world and hopefully oneday when you least expect it, you will be with the one God has prepared for you . . . But until then enjoy being SINGLE!!
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